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Always crush and snort your first pill on the pharmacy counter to make sure they`re not passing you some fake sh!t.
No one’s going to do it for you. It’s up to just you to make naps a priority in your life.
Stress balls work really well when you shove them down someone`s throat.
Step One: Always have a solid alibi.
You call them French Fries…I call them Edible Ketchup Shovels.
Soup of the day: Beer
You`d think he`d be better at this with all the porn he watches
I`m eating a vegan lunch today. Sure, it`s six sleeves of Smarties and a Diet Coke, but I`m still better than you.
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
This cashier looked at my 12 bottles of weed spray so weirdly, I suspect she`s never broken a lawnmower before.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house.
Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money`s worth...Just saying.
See, I would run, but it`s usually bodies of joggers that are found dead in the woods.
People who think only god can judge them have obviously never hung out with my friends.
Of course I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.