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You can stop lifting weights now; it’s actually your personality that nobody likes.
How the hell do you call Batman during the day?
I don`t mind sharing the highway with other people. I just wish they`d use the part behind me.
I always say, "monring" instead of "good morning" because if it was a good morning, I`d still be in bed sleeping.
I can`t believe the music that kids listen to now-a-days! What ever happened to wholesome music like "Push It" and "Me So Horny"?
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" - 17th century sext
People in glass houses shouldn`t masturbate during the day....
This looks like a job for Superman! -unemployed Superman reading the classifieds
I think sharks eat people just to be on tv.
Why is it when you have a day off you seem to bounce out off bed at 6am, but the days you go to work, it takes a forklift and 2 sticks of dynamite to separate me from my pillow??
Is it bad when I’m talking to myself and I’m not even listening?
It`s not karma, you`re just an idiot.
It seems like the ‘L’ in my luck has been replaced with an ‘F’.
I went to the store to buy some comdoms and the cashier asked me If I needed a bag ? "I replied No she`s not that ugly"
My wife accused me of spending too much time on Facebook. That’s funny, when did I get a wife?