Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There are 2 types of people that annoy me: Drunk people, when I`m sober. Sober people, when I`m drunk.
Why didn`t Spider-Man`s enemies just move to a city without skyscrapers?
If I treated others how I wanted to be treated, I`d be doing a ton of spontaneous sexual favors for random strangers.
Hard butter is the devil.
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I’m going to have.
I inject vodka right into the orange. Screwdriver-to-go
Why isn`t there a reality show called "Security Cams of Walmart?"
Once again, I`m a distant runner-up for TIME magazine`s `Person Of The Year`. I`m beginning to think it`s rigged...
My 6yo`s homework today is learning how to count backwards. Yep, that teacher knows about DUIs alright!
Never call me creepy. You`re the only one that doesn`t even know we`re engaged.
Own the day
I try to find the good in every situation. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
When you have the opportunity to become a bigger person, take it because cake is delicious.
The NFL has hired their first female referee ... She will be throwing flags for penalties the teams committed 5 years ago.
People ask me why I don`t have any tattoos and I respond with, would you put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari?