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2003: Fear that ppl from the internet will find me in real life. 2013: Fear that ppl from real life will find me on the internet.
I`m well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today.
Getting married at 22 sounds alot like leaving the party at 9:30
Shoutout to my parents for not wearing a condom and creating the most awesome person alive.
There are many different ways one can save energy, but my favorite by far is this recliner.
Girls here`s how to tell if a guy wants you for sex - 1: He does
Oh, I thought you were talking about napping. In that case no, I`m not good in bed.
Fun Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, meatless years.
It`s always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I`m always like, "I love you," and they`re like, "Thank you for choosing Pizza Hut."
Facebook: A place where people, who know so little about anything, have so much to say about everything.
If a mass murderer on death row ordered a Klondike Bar for his last meal I bet it would explain a lot.
I self medicate, therefore you live.
I`m motivated by a need to leave something meaningful in the world & a profound desire to shove it in the face of anyone who`s rejected me.
Things that don`t kill bees: 1. Furniture polish 2. Febreeze 3. Butter 4. Screaming
When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.