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Oh, you’re surprised I’m still single? I’m surprised you can dress yourself. So I guess we’re even.
There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT?
So after vacuuming with the new Dyson, I`m pleasantly surprised to learn that the carpet upstairs is actually hardwood.
Men would be way more excited about cleaning if spray bottles made a laser noise.
I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
The hour that we lose this weekend is the one that I was planning on going to the gym.
My "check engine" light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there...silly light.
I went to the doctor for a check up and he says I`m going to live. But I think he`s wrong and it`s just a matter of time.
i was sooo funny i cracked me off.......
I`m currently writing a book about my love of dogs and gardening. It`s called b*tches and hoes
A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste
Does shaking the vending machine count as working ...
Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE” !! I’m happy to report that I succeeded…
gua suka sama kamu