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Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption "Summer is finally here!" or we wouldn`t have known it`s summer.
I have to admit my heart broke a little when I heard the lady at Starbucks call the guy in line behind me "sweetie" too.
Live today like it`s your last!! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn`t.
The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
What do you mean I didn’t win, I ate more wet t-shirts than anyone else.
Don’t piss off old people. The older they get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.
On a scale of 1 to "Get out you`re fired" where does napping at work rank?
I`m sorry but, I could not hear you over the sound of my internal hope that you would shut the f*ck up.
If it was the other way around, I doubt one cat would take in 23 old ladies.
My wife told me that her favorite position is when I lay very very still wearing a toe tag and she starts dating again
I roasted a turkey today, but I don`t think he got the jokes.
just want to point out that Cinderella is living proof that shoes can change your life!
Some people live life in the fast lane. You’re in oncoming traffic.
I threw a shotgun shell at my daughter`s date. ..then I told him it`s much faster after 11pm
I organized a threesome last night....there were a couple of no shows, but I still had a good time