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I am so thankful there is no alert that tells someone how many times I have enlarged their profile pics.
Neighbor just yelled at me for playing in his sprinkler. Note to self, I should wear clothes next time.
Share this if you are weird and don`t care
2017 didn`t need that extra hour back.
If I lived in England I would approach my boss on payday and say "pound me."
Like this if you’re “never drinking again.”
Abbreviation is an unnecessarily long word.
Why is it that everyone hears the car alarm for a good 5 minutes before the owner does?
Seems like you must have been pretty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
Despite being a pain in the a$$, you have to admit I still bring a lot to the table.
Guys I can`t be leave I`m sharing this with you, but I saw my self on TV. After I turned it off.
When I was younger my dad showed me pictures of why to wear condoms during sex. The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.
When my dog sniffs another dog’s poop I can only assume that it’s their equivalent to checking a friend’s facebook page.
For our next trick, we should hack into North Korea`s TV system and put Jersey Shore on repeat...