Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I just did my budget for August. If I don`t buy food ... I won`t need toilet paper. I think I`m on to something here.
I am sick of people thinking deodorant is optional.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I`m alright, but I feel like, well, like I`ve dyed a little inside.
I went to buy condoms and the cashier just said "yeah right" and put em back on the shelf
You know itΒ΄s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with.. "Are you sitting down?"
I love myself everyday. Sometimes, twice a day.
I just told my wife it took her longer to pick a Netflix movie than it took me to pick out her engagement ring and that was a bad analogy.
You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom.
this isn`t the status you`re looking for
According to new research, too much sex can cause memory loss. Finally, something that explains my ultra detailed photographic memory.
I`m sorry, we can`t hire you. But your background check was hilarious.
I would unblock you but then I`d be admitting I`d made a mistake and that`s just not my thing.
There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.
Wonders why we can`t just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a beautiful day.