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Where do suicide bombers go when they die? Everywhere.
I would watch tennis more often if they replaced the ball boys with untrained golden retrievers.
I’m in a long distance relationship. Sure, some people refer to it as a restraining order, but still.
If I didn`t procrastinate, I probably wouldn`t do anything at all.
Another day, another chance to make someone say, "Oh, now that`s just WRONG"...
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
when a girl says "whatever" what she really means "I hope you get shot, fall off a bridge, get raped by a shark, and then eaten by it
If I look tired at the end of the day, it`s because I just spent eight solid hours looking busy.
Celebrities on drugs, politicians having affairs, aliens living mail boxes....I love standing in the check out line, its better than the library....and it has food.
Have you ever been cutting a piece of pager with scissors and worried that you might cut an atom in half and destroy the world?
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them much more often
It truly bothers me how many people would marry someone just for their money. Because I`m trying to do that & you`re lowering my chances.
`Google`` must be a woman, because it knows everything.
is wondering if the hokey pokey is really what it´s all about