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i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)
I`ve been waxing my car for twenty years and I still don`t know karate.
My wife just made a "special" dinner "just for me" for no apparent reason. I`m going to die, right ?
Is it "I febreezed my crotch" or "I febroze my crotch"?
Never call me creepy. You`re the only one that doesn`t even know we`re engaged.
Teens are always full of energy until someone says the words "clean up".
In an alternate universe somewhere, all the ducks are making white girl faces.
Whenever someone says they did something, "like a boss", I assume that means they didn’t do it at all and are merely taking credit for it.
You really are the cat`s pajamas, and by that I mean you`re a stupid idea.
Mister Rogers didn`t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don’t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
Life is short, Smile while you still have teeth.
Ladies, don`t date him just because his dad has a yacht. Date the dad.
Who needs Google when you’ve got a wife who knows it all?
Is it physically possible to be sad in rollerskates? Cause I think my cat`s just being dramatic.