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A beautiful woman could post "My dog just died" and she would get replies like "Well, I`m not dead ;)"
can say whatever the hell I want as my Facebook Status, and nobody will be offended as long as I smile at the end. Example: I hate everybody today :) - LOL
Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
My phone is covered in cupcake frosting and dried ice cream, in case you were wondering how my life is going.
If you attached a bunch of watches together to make a belt it would be a waist of time.
I hate it when I think I`m buying ORGANIC vegetables but when I get home I discover they`re just REGULAR donuts...
Being the fat guy at McDonald`s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business.
Dear future husband, here’s a few things you need to know If you want to be my one and only all my life. I will not be an ex wife .. only a widow
Strip search? ... Fine, but I`m going to need some background music.
"I want to be cuddled, but I want to be alone. Being crazy is hard." - WOMEN
Please God cure my hangover and I promise I will never drink again, also please forgive me in advance for lying about never drinking again.
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they`ll dig the wrong way. It`s called thinking ahead guys.
Someone smells like cigarettes and bad decisions.......Oh it`s me? Sorry about that.