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I usually don`t argue with the doctor but I don`t think "Batshit Crazy" is a legitimate medical term.
Father: Earlier you used to call me papa but now dad, why? Daughter: Come on dad, calling you PAPA spoiles my lipstick.
I don`t know about you . But everytime I go on Twitter , I get this weird feeling , I am being followed.
I wasn`t planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung G7 Note phones.
Would stiff nipples be a good name for my air conditioning company?
It`s bigger on the inside..said no woman, ever!
Capitalization can really change a sentence. Example: I love to eat candy ... I love to eat capitalization.
My grandma told me her joints are getting weaker, so I told her to roll them tighter.
I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.
Is it annoying when people answer their own questions? Yes it is. Do I wish they would stop? Absolutely.
Farted in my wallet, Now I have gas money.
i have noticed you notice me noticing you
I wish they all could be Jerry Springer girls.
"Shit ton" is my favorite unit of measurement.
RIP to my hair dryer. It was the only thing to blow me for the last 10 years and never complain.