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Ask your doctor if walking blindly into traffic is right for you
Facial recognition software can pick out a person in a crowd, but this stupid vending machine at work can`t recognize my dollar bill with a bent corner...
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" -- Girlfriends in the 17th century probably
Sometimes I wonder if that kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught the fish yet.
likes to end all my phone calls with "Ok, I`ll see you later on at the party!" and then quickly hang up. Let them figure it out.
I wish the guy who made the vacuum cord would chat with the guys that make phone chargers.
Life was much easier when apples and blackberries were fruits&& not phones
She looks like the kind of girl that brings a suitcase on the first date.
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately
Even if women came with an instructions manual men still wouldn`t read it.
I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do... And for those who like country music, denigrate means ‘to speak badly of`.
I was fired from my job at the sperm bank for saying "get a load of this guy" every time someone walked in
The feeling you get when a woman asks you to guess her age is like wondering whether to cut the blue wire or the green wire when defusing a bomb.
Campers: Nature`s way of feeding mosquitoes.
I have decided to follow my dreams.....starting with that one where I am naked at work.