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I need to find a way to be asleep but still get all my work done.
Bigger isn`t always better. Thighs, for example.
i spend 800% off my life exaggerating
Why does the alphabet need to be in order anyway
Very productive day today, turd-wise
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats
Cleavage is something you can look down on and approve of at the same time.
If only someone on the internet would give me their opinion on the election.
I just got a piece of mail that says "open immediately" but I`m gonna wait a few minutes.
The biggest cause of cancer in mice is research.
The only reason I offer to be the designated driver is so people will get used to seeing me load lifeless bodies into my car.
Help I`m covered in chameleons & no one believes me
If you’ve been naughty… go to your room. If you want to be naughty… go to mine.
Dear Lord, Thanks for making me funny. Especially since you didn`t give me much else to work with.
Words of Wisdom: Don`t cover your mouth when you sneeze. You`ll get snot and stuff all over your hands