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“Hangover” makes it sounds like it’s all done now. I’d like to propose the term “hanghappening”.
The more you know. Daylight Savings started back in 1964 when Jerry Daylight Savings was an hour late for work & convinced his boss all the clocks were wrong.
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you dont have to mow it.
If by sexy you mean me licking the donut icing off my fingers then yes I can be damn sexy.
There’s too much blood in my caffeine system
People – the most gentle, loving, kind, sympathetic, peaceful and caring creatures in the world. Especially when they need something from you.
If animals spoke our language we`d be in their debt because they`d have some seriously incriminating dirt on all of us.
If I dont clean my house soon. They are gonna bring in blindfolded people to do a Febreze commercial
Please tell me I’m not the only one who opens up their Hershey Kisses ever so gently so that the foil doesn’t tear.
I was admiring my six pack in the mirror for two hours,then it got cold and I put it in the fridge
Apparently "whiskey and wild women" is not an acceptable answer when asked what your weaknesses are during a job interview.
Just once I want to see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
I was disappointed to learn that ‘landlady’ isn’t the opposite of a mermaid.
In my defense Your Honor, I thought she had been stung by a jellyfish.
I`m tired of making the same mistakes over and over again. Does anyone have any new mistakes I can borrow?