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Remember they’re just as afraid of seeing you dance as you are of dancing.
Can you imagine if Facebook just decided to shut down and you see all these confused teenagers coming out of their house squinting at the sun/
Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?
I didn´t outsmart you. You just outdumbed me.
"Hey, man, just called to see when you`re going to commercial. Now? Ok, us too." -Radio Stations
You know you`re getting old when cops make you feel safe instead of nervous.
If you receive an e-mail that says: ``FREE JUSTIN BIEBER CONCERT TICKETS`` Don`t open it! It may contain free Justin Bieber concert tickets.
“Oh boy, I can’t wait to be productive today.” – said no one ever
I think I bought just enough fireworks to get my neighbor to move.
I wouldn’t say your ugly, you are just beautichallenged.
My son wants to be a shrink when he grows up... Clearly I`ve failed to teach him our family`s place in the psychiatric process...
I’m not crazy just the voices are!
The Family Reunion went pretty good until they all figured out that I wasn`t related to any of them
If you have a Selfie Stick Pro, go back two spaces.
Hello... Modeling Agency? Ya, my selfie just got 34 likes I think I`m ready to go pro!