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If you live in a custom-built house that doesn’t have a secret room hidden behind a fake bookcase, then seriously what is the point?
I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags” and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs,” what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
Note to Self: Next time I leave my wife a message that I`m in a threesome all afternoon, specify it`s golf.
If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.
I`m going to go take a hot shower, it`s like a normal shower but with me in it
Marriage: an expensive way to get your laundry done for free..
When I found out my toaster wasn`t waterproof, I was shocked!
The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.
I can`t be the only one who thinks "Game on, mother f*cker" when I see an air freshner in a bathroom.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice ... it`s cuz you have really nice tits.
Ahhh, the 4th of July. The day where trips to hospital start with the words "Hold my beer and watch this!"
Don’t bother looking up “impose.” It’s next to impossible.
Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
Revenge is best served to someone`s toothbrush.