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Every day at work I wonder if this is going to be the day I accidentally scream "SHUT THE F*CK UP` out loud instead of just in my head.
People of planet Earth, thank your gods that I`m not in charge of the red button.
She asked me for time and distance. I guess she wants to calculate velocity.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I can not change.
I don`t regret burning bridges. I regret that some people weren`t on those bridges when I burned them.
Why is it when you go to get your drivers license photo, they tell you to smile. Your not smiling when the police pull you over.
When I was a kid, I used to sing, `A, B, C,D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P`
If you can’t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don’t know where you are!
I`d watch NASCAR if Hot Wheels designed the tracks.
When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it…
Must be lonely over there on "I`m offended by jokes" island.
So far, I`ve had exactly "call my ex" number of beers tonight!!!
Smile. It makes people wonder what you´re up to.
The hardest part of carving a pumpkin nowadays is finding some newspaper to spread
Do a little dance... Drink a lot of rum... Fall down tonight...