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It`s real cute how pedestrians confuse "right of way" with immortality.
Transformation Tuesday! Throwback Thursday! Flashback Friday! Never underestimate a woman`s ability to find a reason to post a selfie.
There`s a difference between having a unique name and a common name that`s spelled wrong.
I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing.
Research shows that, when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" ... He in fact did.
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problems. 99% demons.
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my debit card goes through.
Sobriety and I have agreed to see other people today
Vodka...deleting memories since...uhh...
I try to do all my pooping at work. Cause if you can get paid to poop, you`d be a fool not to.
"I want to be cuddled, but I want to be alone. Being crazy is hard." - WOMEN
I decided to make a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number 1: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes?
My wife told me I have to quit playing poker all the time but I think she`s bluffing...
There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikes……how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?
They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.