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Reasons to get out of bed: Food.
Common sense is like deodorant; those that need it most, don’t use it.
One day you will die, but every other day you won’t. So that’s pretty great, right? ... Inspirational posts are hard.
After how long is it ok to tell your friends that they are imaginary?
My key to happiness is probably lost somewhere in the junk drawer.
Why would you live in a place where the air hurts your face?
Do gun manuals haue a trouble shooting section?
When I was a kid... No wait. I still do that.
I always clench up before I drive into a tunnel because I`m afraid Wile E. Coyote might have just drawn it on there.
I ordered a pizza when my wife went into labor. Thad ad said, "buy a pizza, and get free delivery.
Haters can hate all they want... they don`t affect my money.
Christmas is truly a magical time. It`s made all my money disappear!
All of those in favor of bitch slapping stupid people, say "I"
I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can`t make coffee.