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I hate it when a website greets me with a pop-up window. It just feels like you should say hi first, maybe buy me a drink.
I often worry that mankind is going to start World War III soley because we enjoy trilogies.
I am not acting childish and you`re just a big doody-head.
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Send me a text like a normal person.
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain beard 3.) prisoner of war beard 4.) homeless person beard 5.) wizard beard
It`s going to be so disappointing if we ever ask aliens about crop circles and they`re just like, "We really hate corn."
iPhone 6: For people who don`t mind holding an iPad up to their ear.
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
is clapping his hands and stomping his feet because he is happy and he knows it.
I can`t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend
Paintball is much more fun when the other people at Walmart don’t know we are playing.
GF - What`s that beeping? Me - Fasten Seatbelt Alarm. GF - How can you ignore something so annoying? Me - Huh?
Thanks to the presence of fools, wise people stand out.
How easily you`re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
Get Dora and Boots on this missing plane case now, Dora solves the case everytime