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Kids....because who doesn`t enjoy a fun game of "What the hell is that smell and whose room is it coming from?"
No one sees you when you`re kind, no one sees you when you do a nice thing, but all will see on you when you fart.
My wife gives me the speaking treatment.
My pessimism has never failed me, but I`m sure someday it will.
Not All Of The `Goodbyes` Are Sad (eg. * Goodbye School * Goodbye Work)
There`s no mirrors in this self checkout?!?
I read my kids a few select facebook statuses before bed, kiss them on their heads, and whisper, "This is why we have to stay in school"
Another day....another 0.2% of a dollar
I don`t always say I`m never drinking again, but when I do, I`m a f*cking liar.
I don`t wanna be told what to do unless I`m naked
Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.
I don`t know why I even bother chewing corn.
I only drink coffee because cocaine is too expensive.
I would tell you to go to he!! but all dogs go to heaven.
I`m sorry. . . I didn`t mean to stare. . . it`s just that I have never seen stupid of this magnitude up close before