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As I said before, I never repeat myself.
I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
i dont drink any more and yet again i dont any less either
I feel like dinner parties are secretly competitions about who watches the most news and documentaries
Don’t you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That’s why I do it.
I could never cheat in a relationship, That requires 2 women to find me attractive.
If anyone every texts me “who is this” I always respond “Jake from state farm”
Thanks for accepting my friend request on Facebook, even though is was solely so I could gain full access to your profile and judge your life choices.
is bored of being bored because being bored is boring.
Would you like to save money on your car insurance? Walk ... Just sayin
Jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler.
I`m at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I`m usually fine with going home.
Grammar. The difference between feeling your nuts, and feeling you`re nuts.
When I bang my toe against something it`s like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know
Just spent like 5 hours talking to my neighbor about his garden and long story short, turns out it was just a f*cking scarecrow.