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Don’t underestimate my ability to do absolutely nothing.
Sometimes I wish I could appear offline in real life too
The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.
An arranged marriage is just another way of saying that your parents helped you get laid.
I use awkward numerical range description anywhere between 13 and 4 times a day.
In a perfect world Taco Bell would deliver...
Why is it called "reading a book" and not paper view?
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket .. I´d miss you alot and think of you often.
Every time I stop making bad decisions, I get more and more boring.
Passive aggressive has never been my thing, I prefer chasing you with a chainsaw.
You call it Sushi, I call it bait.
TIP OF THE DAY: If you can`t afford porn, just turn on tennis and shut your eyes.
I didn`t come here to make friends. I go to the cat shelter for that.
"Don`t let a hot date turn into a due date."--my father`s actual sex talk with me when I was 13.
My pet rock turned 4,054,870,001 today