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I sleep better when I`m naked why can`t my boss understand this?!
Thanks to Facebook i now know what everyones bathroom looks like.
I wish I could literally LMAO..That sounds like a lot more fun than 90 minutes at the gym.
Holding my breath until someone likes this status.
I just saw a woman at Walmart with March Madness teeth ... She was down to the final four.
You`re the reason why I believe in condoms.
I think we`ll be friends forever because we`re too lazy to find new friends.
The majority of Americans support sending Congress to Syria.
LIFE always offers you a second chance,its called TOMORROW
When I was a kid, I thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem than it really is.
βI saw that.β -Karma
Just tore the tag off my mattress and thereβs nothing the feds can do about it. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
This spider just got away from me because I made the classic villain mistake of telling him my whole evil plan before killing him.
Its Friday ... my body is in for a much-needed drinking session
Does anybody know how many toddlers you have to bring to `Toys For Tots` before you`re eligible for an Xbox?