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Nothing makes me want to leave a website more than a pop-up window saying, “Are you sure you want to leave this page?”
Some girls are so desperate. Who calls 3 times, leaves a voicemail, and sends a text?? Take a hint, mom.
At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don’t trust women.
Hump Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don`t regret burning bridges. I regret that some people weren`t on those bridges when I burned them.
[the instructor clearly frustrated with me on first day of veterinary school] "It doesn`t matter if its a dog, it`s still called a cat scan"
Alcohol free beer is like ... orgasm free sex
I haven`t been this disappointed since I first saw a real hedgehog and it wasn`t blue.
I wish hangovers and orgasms could swap durations.
I finally got some medication for my Attention Deficit Disorder. Now if I could just remember the name of it and where I left it at.
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
Tomorrow I`m going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
If you want to call a family meeting just turn off the wifi router and wait in the room in which it is located
Keep it up and I`ll make sure u end up on a milk carton.