Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I`m not sure if I actually have free time or there are things I`m forgetting to do.
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.
Just burned 2000 calories. That`s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I take a nap.
This is bullshit. It`s like the cops don`t even know that the speed limit is different when you`re listening to AC/DC.
You should get at least 8 hours of beauty sleep... 9 if you`re an ugly bitch...
I bet acting like azzholes on the Internet all day wasn`t where most of us visioned our lives to be right now.
Forgets to set alarm, wakes up 3 days later.
Use Angie`s List if you want a plumber to come over. Use Craigslist if you want that plumber to come over with no pants.
Apparently dyslexia is not a good excuse for driving 53 in a 35.
If you have no internet history you silently admit wrong doing.
The more I get to know you, the more I`m convinced that you are the sole inspiration behind many medications.
You know there was a time in my life where I just didn`t give a f#ck.....funny how it seems that much hasn`t changed from an hour ago!!
Due to no supervision and sheer lack of self control; I sincerely with GREAT guilt! Here now inform you. I ate your banana split
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 300,000 times, well then you`re probably a weatherman.
When I die, I’d like someone to keep updating my Facebook status, just to freak people out… β€œHey, who knew they had Wi-Fi up here?”