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Much to my daughters horror, I just sang along to Ace of Base`s “The Sign” at full volume in a van full of her friends. Being a dad is fun!
Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!
Karate is just a violent way of making people smell your feet.
Yes, I dance in my car. Yes, I see you staring at me. No, I do not care.
If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose beer.
The generation of today are so allergic to everything, future wars will be fought by throwing bags of peanuts and cat hair at each other.
My resume is basically just a list of things I hate to do.
After a certain point, the `F` on the thermometer no longer stands for Fahrenheit.
Was just thinking …. What would the world be like if McDonalds delivered?
If you need me I`ll always be stuck behind the person who doesn`t know how to use the CVS self-checkout aisle.
I’ve got about as much self control as two rabbits on a first date!
Random Fact of the Day: Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
Due to the rising cost of ammunition I will no longer be able to provide a warning shot. Thanks for your understanding.
I play hard to get along with.