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I don`t know which is worse... waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom so you can use it or hearing them say "come in" when you knock on the bathroom door...
It`s getting warm out. I can finally get back to smacking people and blaming it on mosquitos!
My need for caffeine is so bad I`m going to AA for the free coffee
Why do men fart more than women? Because women can`t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
"I guess you`re right." - No one on the internet ever
CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: Oh... I have nothing to say, I just crave the spotlight.
To be honest with you, I start all my lies with to be honest with you.
It`s not an attitude problem, it`s the way I am.
People who don`t understand sarcasm are awesome.
When things get to stressful I hit the jim.......... Beam.
I wonder if monsters ever get scared that we might be hiding under their bed?
pens and pencils are drumsticks and desks and textbooks are drum kits. its a fact.
If we’re not supposed to eat late, then why is there a light in the fridge?
You shouldn`t be allowed to wear animal print if you are bigger than said animal.
Research shows that 100% of the time when someone says “oh no she didn’t!” she most definitely did.