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Really had my heart set on waking up rich today.
Just pour the coffee and back away slowly.
We all have that funny voice we use when talking to dogs, babies... and idiots!
Relax, we`re all crazy. It`s not a competition.
Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. A broken heart makes you wiser. And alcohol makes you not remember any of that sh!t.
That must have been a heck of a party judging by the police reports.
I don`t have a drinking problem, I just celebrate everything! Like the fact that shirts have armholes, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos
Whenever I give money to the homeless, I get yelled at that "they are just gonna buy booze with it". All I can think is ... Oh like I wasn`t ..
You posted a drunk selfie last night at 2:04 AM and then deleted it five minutes later. But I took a screenshot. Let`s negotiate.
Secret Web Cam Test: Please nod your head yes if you can read this.
I need something that`s more than coffee but less than cocaine.
If McDonald´s sold hot dogs, could u, with a straight face, order a McWeiner & tell them 2 super size it?
No one should be surprised that so many statuses are about unhappiness and failure. You don’t end up on Facebook by making good life decisions.
After socializing and being nice to people all day it`s nice to sit down, drink by myself, and be an a$$hole on the Internet.