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I`m going to stand outside. So, if anyone asks, I`m outstanding.
I think before we vote we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what`s REALLY on their minds.
We`re all brave until we realize the cockroach has wings
Awkward moment when you don’t know if you were offered gum out of generosity or if your breath stinks.
You are the reason why I bite the heads off teddy grams.
My predictive text dictionary doesn’t have “tsunami”, so if you ever get a text from me that says “trumang” start running.
I am not as think as you drunk I am
I put the b!tch in the kitchen.~ last thing I remember saying before I woke up in the hospital.
Why do they call a status a status if it already happened? I mean, shouldnt it be called History?
I just don`t understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
I just got a piece of mail that says "open immediately" but I`m gonna wait a few minutes.
I don`t have a drinking problem, you have a problem with my drinking. Big difference.
Don`t hate me because I`m beautiful. Hate me because your man thinks I am.
Sarcasm is a dominant gene in my family.
What the world needs is a self help movie, cause lets face it, most of us won`t buy the book.