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More food should come with prizes inside it.
When I see people jogging outside I like to drive slowly down the road behind them blasting “Eye of the Tiger” just to give them motivation.
A wireless bra? They weren`t tricky enough, now I need a password?
Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can`t believe they haven`t paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
Stress balls work really well when you shove them down someone`s throat.
So in between the 4 seconds that I missed your call and managed to call ya back, you`ve fallen off the face of the earth?
Sorry I didn`t answer when you called, I had 6 Peeps in my mouth
I wonder if Batman knows that other cities have crime, too.
How come the voices inside of a crazy person`s head never say shit like "hey, go to the gym" or "hey, cure cancer" or "hey, don`t be crazy"?
What is an Amish girls favourite fantasy? Two Mennonite
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s ass to fall off.
Talk to your kids about drugs. Maybe they have better connections than you.
So red or white wine with hamburger helper?
I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.
I try and inspire at least one person everyday to leave me the f*ck alone.