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It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.
Have you heard about the new movie called constipation? It hasn`t come out yet.
It`s a beautiful day, think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit.
My face is a 4, my personality is a 6, so basically, I`m a 10.
"He sure seems like a nice young man" is Grandma-speak for "I`d totally hit that."
I don`t see the point of sex if the neighbours don`t hear it.
My anaconda really doesn`t care if you got buns or not.
Everything I know about women, I learned from the Wizard of Oz. For example: If a woman sees a pair of shoes she wants, she`ll drop a house on the bitch to get them.
My therapist says I am too preoccupied by vengeance.... We`ll see about that.
My New Years Resolution for 2015 is to stop being so impatient.
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
Tried to explain Twitter to my 80 year old Mother, pretty sure she is now insane.
I pretend my bruises are sex bruises instead of I tripped over my cat while trying a new dance move bruises.
I wouldn`t want to fly Virgin. Who`d want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way?
I just don`t think a partridge in a pear tree would make a great gift