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I`m going to stand outside. So, if anyone asks, I`m outstanding.
They say a woman’s work is never done. Maybe that’s why they get paid less.
Share this if you are weird and don`t care
Cooking Tip: If you`re tired of always having to boil water everytime you make pasta, boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later ... you`re welcome!
That must have been a heck of a party judging by the police reports.
The fridge is a clear example that what matters is what`s inside.
Revenge is not in my plans. You`ll f*ck yourself on your own.
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I`m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
When someone calls you a bitch just say a bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is on trees, trees are nature and nature is beautiful. thanks for the compliment ;)
If you think about it, before the first mirror was invented, if you didn’t live near a body of water, you had no idea what you looked like.
Hey, sorry I`m late ... I didn`t want to come
You chicks spend a lot of money on makeup to look pretty. Save your cash, buy him Alcohol.
If flying is really so safe, then why is it called the `terminal`?
My Wife does this cute thing where she says that "actions speak louder than words" and then gets pissed at me for just nodding.
Either I wrote a bunch of drunken Facebook status updates last night, or my dog has finally figured out the computer.