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First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!
You don`t get to complain about life until you move out of your parent`s house.
I don`t mind that my wife goes out to play bingo every night. It`s the coming back home part that bothers me.
That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to Bounce of 3 walls, Knock over a lamp and kill a cat.
Yesterday I jokingly asked my wife what she was burning for dinner. Turns out it was all my personal belongings.
I wish the guy who made the vacuum cord would chat with the guys that make phone chargers.
the real full form of M.B.A....Married But Available
Life would be so much more interesting if we all had cartoon bubbles over our heads.
Sometimes i wish i was an octopus, so i can slap eight people @ once!
I can paint the house and buy new furniture and my kids won`t notice, but, buy a new phone case...
I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
Several decisions I make on a daily basis hinge upon the question "illegal or just frowned upon?"
From now on when I accept a friend request I`ll just write on their wall: You belong to me now.
Not to brag,,,, but legally,,, before something can be labeled "Idiot Proof",,, they have to run it by ME.
I need a bank to do two things for me: give me a loan and leave me alone