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Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges, to stop the weirdos from following you.
When people said they sleep like a baby, it`s because they do not have one.
Top uses for Golf Balls: 1. Describing hail storms 2. Describing tumors 3. Playing golf
You will never be happier than a girl who just discovered her dress has pockets.
I don’t really forgive people I just pretend like it`s okay and wait for my opportunity to destroy them.
Sorry, I`m in a hurry, lets talk while we walk... You go that way.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, "neighborhood watch" isn`t what I thought it was.
I`ll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I`m trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
My grocery cart right now says ” I’m getting drunk and doing laundry tonight!” And also. “I like fruit.”
You can`t control who comes into your life. But you can control which window you throw them out of.
I’m moving to Africa. Apparently there I can eat for 12 cents a day.
Im having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... alright by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
Firemen must dread the moment when they`re done for the day and have to find the strength to climb back up the pole.
Dear Santa, before I try to explain…..just how much do you already know?
Hey, chicks who have words tattooed on your tits... We didn`t come here to read.