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Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left behind by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
Bitch Iām not insulting you, Iām describing you.
Iām over the 30-day ab challenge. Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?
So those numbers on sports jerseys are how many people each player has killed or what.
We can`t all be princesses, somebody has to clap as I go by. :P
Even when Iām home alone, I still answer Jeopardy questions out loud.
Peppermint Schnapps, the mouthwash you can swallow
Please, please don`t be a bitch to me. Because then I`ll have to be a bitch back and I can do it better than you.
... and so begins another failed hundred or so attempts at trying to write the correct year on anything I date.
I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my mind and my temper
Found out the difference between onions and men. I don`t cry when I`m chopping up men.
Why don`t family members send me money for my birthday anymore? I need it now more than when I was 7
Technically, if you don`t cut the cake, it`s still just one slice.
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for ā in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.