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This is just a quick shout-out to bread bowls, waffle cones and other edible containers. You guys are doing a great job.
I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
By the time I realized my parents were right, I had kids that didn`t believe me.
I wish pillsbury would think of another way to open biscuits without giving you a heart attack ;)
If you want to get me to do something, bribery does work.
Just once...one time; can`t we buy a tree that doesn`t try to attack me when I come home drunk at 2am.
"I`ll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
You know those people who get all excited and lovey with puppies at pet stores? Same. But I`m in a liquor store.
English = Hello. Spanish = Hola. French = Bonjour. Japanese = Konnichiwa. Chinese = Nî Hâo. Italian = Ciao. Me = Sup B*tches.
It doesn`t matter if the shoe fits or not, I`m still shoving it up your a$$.
My bank called because they noticed ‘highly suspicious activity’ on my charge account. It was for a gym membership.
I love when people dig their own grave. It saves me so much time.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."
maturity comes when you stop publishing every detail of your life on social media
I hope when Bruce Willis dies, it`s from a Viagra overdose. That way the headline can read "Bruce Willis Died Hard".