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Drying out wet fireworks in the oven is not a good idea. Trust me on this
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading toward a lowered self-esteem and irregular bowel movements.
How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.
Blessed are they who can just read it and move on.
I hate when I go to pump gas only to find out that the little metal "handle hold up thingy" is broken, so I have actually squeeze and hold the handle. I hate it for two reasons: 1) its gross and i just wanna peel my hand skin off like gloves when im done. 2) it makes me realize how lazy I am.
"Oh wow, it`s a fruit cake! I`m going to eat some of it right now" ...said no one ever.
My wife`s credit cards were stolen last week. I haven`t reported it yet though...because so far, they are spending less than she was.
If there`s no god then how do you explain yoga pants?
I just found love.....its on page 369 in dictionary
Had a pizza today without extra cheese. Dieting is hard
Hey Guys! I havent seen you since last year!(;
Someday, the time I waste deciding what to watch on Netflix will be shorter than the actual time watching it
I ordered a pizza when my wife went into labor. Thad ad said, "buy a pizza, and get free delivery.
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but the more important question is, how did they get in there in the first place?