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Sometimes all you need is $500 million dollars.
Dear guys: Women don`t want pictures of your d!ck. Maybe try sending a screenshot of your bank statement and see where things go.
You know something bad is about to happen when someone says "Hold my beer and watch this."
Laundry is like sex in reverse: you drop in a load, everything gets wet, then rolls around and ends up dry and neatly folded.
When people ask me if I’m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they’re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
You will attract attention if wearing a skirt on a windy day. This is doubly true if you are a man.
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
My house is not messy. Those are just obstacles I`ve put in place for burglars.
How does one get suspended with full pay and benefits? Asking for a friend who is actually me.
Can you find the the mistake? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. Click Funny if you did..
I`d like to thank Tetris for making me really good at loading my dishwasher.
I wonder where superman changes now that there are no more phone booths
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble, people, respect it!
Yesterday I fell off a 50 foot ladder. It`s probably a good thing I was on the bottom step...
Dear autocorrect: at no point have I ever meant “ducking.”