Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My eye problems starts on Mondays and ends on Friday evening. I see clearer after the fourth bottle.
With everything going on lately... I`ve got a lot of serious thinking to do! Oops....Did I say "Thinking".... I meant "Drinking"!!
Whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks..I`m in public.
I figured out the chemical composition of Holy Water. It`s H2OMG
Well bugger... Just realised the plant ive been watering for 2 years is fake.
To honor Thanksgiving this month I will be calling every one Pilgrim instead of Dude or Bro-- Fair warning
Sometimes I whisper, "I`m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world...
Shout out to the post office for delivering my recycling to me every day.
I like to flush the toilet a few times when I`m on the phone with someone who calls me so they know not to do that again
I dated this musician who used to play songs for me over the phone. Then I realized he was just putting me on hold.
Pringles should make their containers like a Push Up Pop.
Taught a man how to buy fish ... So much easier.
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
I believe that every person has a story to tell...which is why I stay at home.
I`m that friend you have to explain to people before you introduce me... And apologize for after.