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I wish my money would have sex in my wallet and multiply
You know you are getting old when you see girls from TEEN category moved to MATURE & MILFS.
I`ve been struggling with my laziness. I can`t decide if I should sit down and do nothing or lie down and do nothing.
Dyslexics of the world.. UNTIE!
Don`t act like your not impressed.
?"I hate when people come to MY house, knock on MY door, and then give me the "why aren`t you wearing pants" look."
My little brother just told me I looked stoned as hell. Which is a little weird, considering I don`t have a little brother...
My door bell is a recording of a shotgun being racked.
Never run after a man or a bus, there is always another one coming.
Dear vegetarians, thanks for saving all the good food for us.
If steroids are illegal for athletes shouldn`t photoshop be illegal for models?
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions
If you walk a mile in my shoes the least you can do is leave a pair of yours to wear.
Last night, I fell asleep with one of those new e-cigarettes in my mouth. I woke up half an hour later & my whole apartment was on the internet.
Dear whoever ate my fries while i was in the ball pit at McDonald`s... grow up!!