Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I say "I cleaned my room", I usually mean I made a path from my door to my bed.
You just don`t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
Tattoos are like potato chips. You can`t have just one.
Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
My body keeps doing these muscle twitches like it wants me to get off this couch and move around. HAHAHAHA. As if.
No way the guy from Operation is insured for any of those ridiculous medical procedures.
Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn`t cute.
Sometime you have to hand it to short people ... because they can`t reach.
I like to stand 20 ft in front of the Walmart greeter and greet people before he gets a chance.
I don`t want to brag or make anybody jealous, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
I`d totally order a salad bar. If it had lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, ketchup, mustard, hamburger and buns.
Some people say I`m a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again you`re fired"
I`ve never heard an alarm going off on a car worth stealing.
I`m no magician but I can walk down the street and turn into a bar!
Breaking News: Viagra shippment stolen... Cops are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.