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"F@ck It" has gotten me through a lot of situations.
I had the urge to clean my place today so I laid down until the urge went away.
You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
Ya, Wednesday sucks but… it could be Monday!
Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they`re all like "we need to talk."
Just because leggings stretch dont mean yo 465 pound a$$ should be in them!
My walk of shame is when I have to take all the the empty Taco Bell bags out of my car and bring them to the garbage can.
Heads up, peeps. There are over 700 fake Obamacare sites ready to swipe your info. Pro tip: The real site is the one that doesn`t work...
A woman that doesn`t ask for nothing deserves everything
OMG, what a day I had. If Monday was a guy, I`d punch him in the throat!
Apparently putting alka seltzers in my pockets while getting baptized and pretending I`m possessed by the devil is not funny.
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy that just wanted to check out a girl’s butt.
Happy 4th of July ! ... It`s a holiday. You know what that means... Ten million status updates saying the exact same thing. Get ready.
Halloween really is the perfect time to get rid of all those TacoBell hot sauce packets.
Once my ex knocked on my door & then shouted that it was her, so I texted “im not home” then seconds later I texted “if u happen to be here”