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Lets face it we have all tried to get something done before the microwave timer goes off.
Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
You know your phone can take pictures of other people too right? Just checking.
They say you`re not supposed to go to the grocery store when you`re hungry. It`s been several days now, what should I do?
I just apologized to my wife for something she did wrong. Marriage is fun.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person. ..apparently they call THAT stalking.
Just told my dog "Don`t walk in your own poop" and it strikes me as good advice to pass on to the rest of you as well. Please: don`t.
Apparently, 4 people die every year trying to put their pants on... - me, explaining to my (ex)boss why I went in with no pants
I’m supporting our troops today by going commando.
Sometimes I really want to throw paper at people. Brick shaped Paper. Made of brick.
My wife woke up with a HUGE smile on her face this morning. I love sharpies.
I may hate waiting. But I love procastinating.
People would believe everything I say.. if it wasn`t for everything I say.
Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.