Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Honesty is the best policy, unless you`re trying to return something that you`ve already worn.
Reasons to get out of bed: Food.
I can´t wait until Weight Watchers comes out with a beer.
Apparently, walking up behind a girl in the produce isle with celery in my hand and saying "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
You know your phone can take pictures of other people too right? Just checking.
Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?
Right now, a future teen mom is applying copious amounts of body glitter to herself.
Hell yes, I would love to get stoned to death. Wait, rocks?! What rocks?
The problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude about the problem.
The guest of honour was a bit subdued. The Keyboardist was playing too softly for my liking. But it was a good turnout, lots of food and laughter. But break out into one choreographed `Thriller` dance routine and the crowd goes all apesh!t and tosses you out of the funeral home.
Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a "gym."
I`m gonna hang a Batman costume in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
Do you ever wake up and kiss someone next to you and appreciate being alive? I did this and was chased out of the bus
This may be the wine talking but help he’s drinking me, he’s drinking me.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!