Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Mother mosquito: Hey kiddo, how was your first flight? kid mosquito: Great mom! Everyone was clapping for me.
Just think: right now, your body is cookin` up some poop.
If I had a nickel for everytime I told myself I`d quit smoking, I could buy a lot more cigarettes
If you feel down because you had a bad day! Chin up! Tomorrow is another day and the worst has yet to come!
I have to hand it to people who lead a double life ... I can barely handle the one I have.
I`m happy, but not "Oprah just told me to look under my chair" happy.
Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great,I know this is too much for u,so here is a shortcut-Just think about me
How to cuss a kid out... "Shut the fudge up you little astronaut! You son of a batch of cookies! What the helicopters are you doing?!"
The NFL has hired their first female referee ... She will be throwing flags for penalties the teams committed 5 years ago.
Being an adult is a lot like going to the vet. We`re all excited for the ride until we realize what it`s like where we`re going.
I like to stand 20 ft in front of the Walmart greeter and greet people before he gets a chance.
Cats have tails so you can swing them around. Duh.
Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..
My favorite sex position is, "don`t tell anyone we did this".
Seeking one night stand. I might need two though, I do have a lot of books.