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Someday, I hope to be so rich that I`ll never be happy again.
This headache feels like dumb people
I was a huge tomboy. Like, I had barbies, but only because my ninja turtles needed bitches.
My New Year`s Resolution is to stop making late decisions.
When a girl tells you that she just had her period, you are officially in the friendzone.
When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.
I`m about to eat gas station breakfast. Tell my family that I love them.
TIP: If cars are passing you on the highway in the LEFT lane, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RIGHT LANE!
Here`s hoping the wind at your back doesn`t come from the corned beef and cabbage you had for lunch. Happy St. Patrick`s Day!
I walked briskly with scissors today. Iām pretty wild.
How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling
I need a six month vacation Twice a year.
My girlfriend is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.
Do you guys remember 10 years ago, when all the people with gluten allergies were dying in the streets like diseased cattle?
So apparently, all you can eat buffets do not include the waitresses...