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Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. :)
Do you suppose prison guards could use `PROACTIV` to prevent outbreaks?
I hate when I’m comfortable in bed and I forget my iPhone in the other room!
Sometimes after a nap, I like to take another nap.
Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I`d say I`m about 74% Rice Krispies.
is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I´m awesome..
You`re the kind of friend I text when I`m pooping and need something to do.
The boss said I should let my creative juices flow. What he doesn’t know is that my creative juices are vodka and cranberry.
You know what is cheaper than therapy? ... Admitting you`re batshit crazy and running with it.
I just saw a guy take a bite of Kit Kat bar without breaking it apart first! Sir, we live in a society with rules, please adhere to them.
received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and was being expelled. I don´t have a son. That kid is one damn good liar.
if your looking for love sorry to disappoint you im already in a relationship with fun and freedom. :-)
Hiding the bank statement from your husband is the adult version of hiding your report card from your parents.
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head.
Halloween is great because kids just show up at your door and hold out bags of candy for you to steal