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It`s getting warm out. I can finally get back to smacking people and blaming it on mosquitos!
There`s no point in using a big word, when an infinitesimally diminutive one will do.
Everyone has that one friend that can turn any conversation into something dirty....I am usually that friend.
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
My wife was out of town, so I had to run the morning routine by myself today. I learned a lot. For example, apparently I have two kids.
I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to them.
Just wrote ‘You have no new messages’ on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and threw it far out to sea.
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
You`d think my password was "yourmom" because the computer said it was too easy.
you can´t drink all day if you don´t start in the morning
Sometimes I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".
Given enough coffee, I believe I could rule the world.
My whole life is based on a true story...
I really have to stop using this little microphone on my phone that types whatever you say as it keeps making mistakes punctuation point