Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How the hell do you call Batman during the day?
Why would I ever pay to go to a NASCAR event when I could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free?
Honey, your haters are imaginary. No one wants to be you. I promise.
Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.
When anyone ask me to babysit, I ask if their kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
If they put beer in CapriSun pouches I could fit a lot more in my cooler. Just thought I`d throw that out there, people who invent sh!t.
Why does Facebook even give me the option to `Like` my own status? Of course I like my status, I`m F*ck!ng Hilarious! ...and Sexy.
My innocent look never works in the nude.
Does "Can I take your order?" sometimes mean "Let`s start a new life together" or am I reading too much into this?
Girls with tattoos on your tits, Why? We`re already looking at them.
If a mass murderer on death row ordered a Klondike Bar for his last meal I bet it would explain a lot.
Hey, sorry I missed your call. I saw your name on the caller ID and I didn’t want to ruin my day by talking to you.
Looks like you have a lot on your mind. Do you wanna drink about it?
What`s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don`t know and I don`t care.
Saw these three things on a corner, in this order: Liquor store, gun store, bank. What could possibly go wrong with that?