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You cant ask "What do you mean by that?" without sounding pissed off
Sometimes I wanna copy someone´s status word for word and see if they notice.
I`m not saying you`re a slut but you`re dirtier than my browser history.
Ya know u would never know u where happy if u never had bad memory.
Coffee: fueling you for a job you can`t stand to support a life you never wanted. Tastes good though...
You should see the sh!t I don`t post.
After meeting me... my therapist is now in therapy...
"I like your tree`s earring." ... "That`s a tire swing."
I`m sorry but, I could not hear you over the sound of my internal hope that you would shut the f*ck up.
Christmas spirit? I`m proud to say I`ve got plenty of that. I`ve got rum, whiskey, gin, brandy, vodka and tequila.
It deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pcale. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a pobelrm. Tihs is buseace the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Tihs wulod not be psibsole if yuor sutipd. I hpoe for yuor skae you wree albe to raed tihs or taht maens yuor an idoit or barin dmagaed.
You know what would make my cubicle super cute? Fire.
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I`m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word" is super-romantic. But the cops didn`t think so.
My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.