Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Did you guys know grammar police rhymes with humorless a$$hole?
They sell Harvard shirts at Target so that’s a good way to save $ 399,984.05.
The symptoms of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea and stomach pains. Kind of like when I see my wife going thru my phone.
Is going to bed! Hopefully the Cleaning Fairies will come and clean my house tonight! Wishful Dreaming i guess!
I don’t like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
Revenge is not in my plans. You`ll f*ck yourself on your own.
It`s a beautiful day. I think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit
Next time a guy asks for your number, write it down in Roman numerals. If he manages to call you, he`s a keeper.
I made it halfway to Mexico before I realized that those sirens were just coming from the song on my radio.
Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you and your motivational crap is far away
Now that I think about it... Facebook became popular ever since I made an account.
Big shout-out to slugs for doing everything a snail does but without a helmet.
As far as distractions go ... I like to think I`m a good one.
Missed connection: you were washing your car in a bathing suit. I rode past your house 78 times. You threw a rock at me.
It’s sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his crappy ACME gadgets, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.