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What do you call a woman with big breasts who doesn`t make sandwiches? A compromise.
Do people who run know that we’re not food anymore.
“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” would be a terrible way to let your child know that they’re adopted.
If you think your wife has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes. Not the best idea a man ever had ;)
The best occupation to work from home as: Bartender.
Just saw a coyote next to the highway. I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.
My son got one of those `Stop Bullying` wristbands. he took it away from a fat little ginger kid.
Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a "gym."
i have noticed you notice me noticing you
If you don`t like the way I drive then get off the hood of my car.
I never let anyone see me eat junk food. Not because I`m afraid they will judge me. I just don`t want to share.
Why do grown ups pay to go to gyms to exercise on expensive equipment? Can`t we meet at a park after work and play tag until dark?
Bacon has protein. Spinach has protein. Bacon is a vegetable.
When we married, she treated me like a God. As time went by, the letters got reversed
if you don`t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.