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My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ...I sent it anyways.
Transformation Tuesday! Throwback Thursday! Flashback Friday! Never underestimate a woman`s ability to find a reason to post a selfie.
The real danger of running with scissors is that a rock might fall on you.
According to Tetley the best way to make a cup of tea is to agitate the bag so i slap her arse and shout "cup ot tea fatty"
I wish my GPA looked like the gas prices right now...
Sober me makes plans and drunk me cancels them. Its a good system.
The secret to success is in my bra.
Marriage. Because dodging your own family wasn`t enough.
Just saw a coyote next to the highway. I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.
Laughter is not the best medicine. Laughter with large amounts of alcohol & wild crazy monkey sex - now that`s the best medicine.
Passive aggressive has never been my thing, I prefer chasing you with a chainsaw.
"Lets hang out sometime" -liars.
The most frustrating thing I`ve ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
I’m writing this from the hospital. Don’t worry! The doctors say I’m going to be OK but I must warn you. The Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name!
The older I get the better I used to be.