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In the morning instead of having coffee and reading my horoscope, I have coffee and unfriend anyone who posts their horoscope.
If you own a podium and put up a sign that says "valet" on it, can you just steal cars?
When I come home 4 the holidays I throw $40 on the table & say "Look we`re keeping the thermostat at 75, and we`re turning on some lights."
They say you`re not supposed to go to the grocery store when you`re hungry. It`s been several days now, what should I do?
There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.
Keep calm and pretend today isn’t Monday.
Not every flower can say love...but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst...but a cactus did. Not every idiot can read, but look at you go!!!! lol
My head says go to the gym. My heart says food.
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon
I just don`t understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
I didn`t have access to Facebook for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
If "Cops" has taught me anything it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces, they`re nothing but trouble...
If your friends tell you not to give in to peer pressure and you don`t: technically, you did
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”
I have good taste, I just don`t have the money to prove it.