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Note to self: It`s time to grow up, be responsible, and act like an adult. Self to Note: Shut the f*ck up.
What a snow day inside with the kids! My one son thought it would be a good idea to fill up the garage freezer with snow to save for later and my other son had an "accident" and peed all over the floor in the bathroom. Youd think they know better at 13 and 15 years old! I probably should stop letting them drink beer in the house.
One thing I`ll never understand is alcohol free wine
Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you`ve been wearing the same outfit all week is you.
That awkward moment when the automatic flushing toilet goes off when you`re still sitting down.
Don`t talk to me like I`m stupid until you know for sure.
Checked my bank balance at the ATM and was happy to see I had 707 dollars in it until I realized I was holding the receipt upside down and it said LOL instead.
The only F word out a woman`s mouth that scares me is "fine."
Say goodbye to your girlfriends cause I just bought a book on magic tricks
HR have advised that Iām not allowed to ask my chubby co-workers if they ate my missing stapler.
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.
Today I have been sober for 100 days. Not, like, in a row or anything. Just in total.
My doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock.
Saw a chameleon today, so I`m assuming it wasn`t a very good one.
I smile because your my daughter. I laugh because there`s nothing you can do about it. ;)