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I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
If you`ve never needed to move to a new city and assume a new identity, then we probably haven`t dated.
I`m not an asshole, I`m just the only one who has the balls to say what everyone else is thinking.
"I`m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing...except when you`re at a funeral.
The "best part of waking up" doesn`t even make sense.
Having a bit of a lazy day, sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused
I think when a restaurant has "lobster celebration" it is very misleading to the lobster.
Blockbuster sell sweets and ice cream to go with your DVD rental - who the hell wants to rent sweets and ice cream?
I`m great in bed" ~ breakfast
There are only two types of honest people in this world.....small children and drunk people.
Why is it all the good things in life are either illegal, immoral, impossible, addictive, or fattening?
I`ve run out of things to be upset about. I hope Justin Bieber has kids soon.
You never truly appreciate Newton’s laws of motion until you’ve sneezed while going to the bathroom.
I called McDonald`s to make a reservation for Valentine`s Day, just to listen to the stammering and confusion from the kid answering the phone.
When will they start calling marijuana dispenseries grass stations?