Daily Silly Status

I’m beginning to believe that successful relationships come down to Netflix compatibility.

How do you play religious roulette? You stand around in a circle with your friends and blaspheme, and see who gets struck by lightning first.

Women are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners.

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

Never say "piece of cake!" to me. Unless there is, indeed, a piece of cake involved.

You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.

Cliff diving? No thanks. I get all of my near death thrills by rolling my eyes when my wife asks me to move my feet while she vacuums.

Is it wrong to use cheat codes for Wii Fit.

If you people knew how expensive, time consuming and hard this stalking stuff is you wouldn`t freak out every time you see me in your bushes.....geesh

We should start seeing Valentine`s Day crap in the stores any minute now.

Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

my doctor says I have the body of a 20 year old, the mind of a 30 year old and the wisdom of a someone twice my age, to which my husband asked " What did he say about your fat ass?" I said to my husband, "Oh , the doctor didn`t say anything about you dear!".

I come from a long line of successful people. I have successfully stopped that tradition.

People go to the bar hoping for 2 things...to get hammered or to get nailed.

If you kept one of those jars where I`d have to put in a quarter every time I swore, you would be a billionaire by the end of the week.