Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Guy asked me where a public phone was. I told him 1987.
My wife’s new cooking show will be called, "Do you smell Something Burning?"
All I`m saying is, I`ve never seen my ex and Satan in the same room together.
You girls are lucky, tampons are changing the end from a string to a bit of tinsel but its only for the Christmas period
House cleaning would go a lot faster if the spray bottles made laser gun sounds
From what I can gather, men hit their sexual peak around age 18. And women hit theirs as soon as the divorce is final.
If I`m not back in ten minutes ... then just wait longer.
Glad McDonald`s don`t serve hotdogs, I don`t think I could order a McWeiner with a straight face.
Every time I think I finally have the life I always dreamed of....I wake up.
Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I`ve been to today that`s had "insufficient funds".
My favorite holiday spirit is poured over ice.
Did you know you can buy live lobsters? Anyway, can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters.
I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice
No one your age has any idea what they`re doing either. No matter what age you are.
To avoid conversations at work, always walk with purpose and a toilet plunger.