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Your outfit says you work in an office, but your shoes say it might have a pole in it
I don`t care how smart your phone is, it`s not going to change how stupid you are.
If, in your relationship, you hear "You`re suffocating me", you`re probably not holding down the pillow hard enough.
Miracle Whip is a bit of an exaggeration if you ask me.
If going to church has taught me anything, it is that Catholics hate unexpected pterodactyl impressions.
Does the sleeve tat go with my male pattern baldness and pot belly? Asking for a friend.
Reminiscing isn’t as fun as it used to be.
My favorite all time cooking shows: 1. Iron Chef 2. Hell`s Kitchen 3. Breaking bad
Sorry for nicking your car with my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
I don’t have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve.
I`ve never been a fan of multi-tasking or quite frankly regular tasking.
Don’t let anybody push you around ... unless you’re in a wagon, cuz that is just plain fun.
I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she`ll do today is buy bedroom curtains.
The early bird needs a punch in the throat.
I got my panties all in a bunch ... You know those Wal Mart 10 pack cotton bundles.