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People will do odd things to get even.
I need to re-home a dog. It’s a small terrier and tends to bark a lot. If your interested, let me know and I’ll jump over my neighbors fence and get it for you.
WARNING. Content on my Facebook page may offend. But I don`t f*cking care
This day is only a margarita away from being a good one.
You gotta push yourself. Do 15 push-ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat an entire cake instead of just one piece. Burn your ex`s house down. I believe in you!
I wanna steal a Krispy Kreme truck and go on a high speed chase just because it`d be funny to watch a bunch of cops chase a donut truck
Sometimes I miss being in a relationship, but then I look at my wallet and I feel alright again.
Just found out What the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this.
Coffee`s a great way to fool yourself into believing you`re going to have a productive day.
Don`t judge a man by how low his pants hang below his a$$...just kidding, that`s a great reason to judge someone.
I wondered how smokers could afford them, until I realized they don`t have to save for retirement..
I wish I had Dora`s mom and dad, they let that girl go everywhere.
This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date, so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents` house
Before you refer to someone as your ex, make sure they know you dated.