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Damn boy! Are you a slinky? Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom.
Why would I ever pay to go to a NASCAR event when I could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free?
We laughed, we cried, we tried another credit card.
Walmart: the only place on Earth you can get a haircut, eye exam, ice cream sandwich, tires for your car, and witness a real life "what not to wear" episode.
"The truth shall set you free"....unless you are in court. Then you should probably shut the f*ck up.
My hobbies include trying to close the elevator door before someone else gets on.
The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.
Note to Self: In future interviews, don`t say "Safe in your strong arms" when the employer asks where I see myself in 5 years.
I can make your gf scream louder than you can. - Spider
My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello”. My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact & hope it goes away.
Do the other settings on the washer actually do anything?
Beer is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
I`ve already had two beers which automatically means my day is already better than yours.
I used to question how much information was too much information. Joined Facebook, It`s much clearer now
Most people who think I`m a nice person have no idea that I`d trade any one of my kids for a deep dish pizza.