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America: Where stairs are only used for emergency escape purposes.
Nothing like responsibility to ruin a perfectly good day.
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
I’ve been searching for my stolen bed. And I won’t rest until I find it.
Why even ask how my weekend was if you’re just going to interrupt me halfway through to say “Yeah, I saw your Facebook post.”
I do not argue, I explain why I’m right.
No matter what life brings you, always take a lesson from your dog.. Kick some grass over that s**t and move on.
Man, the first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
homework wont kill me, but why take the risk!
I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes kept getting sucked in my nose!
REMEMBER: If you start to hear banjos, get the hell outta there!
All I need to know about you is defined by whether you ask for a cup or a cone when ordering ice cream.
As you get older your Christmas list gets shorter, because the things you want can`t be bought.
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired.
I want the drugs of the first guy who was like "DUDE, let`s carve a face into a pumpkin."