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Sometimes, I like to stalk random strangers vacation pic`s, and tag myself as one of the people in the background just for laughs.
exactly how long is a cotton picking minute.
Did anyone else ever wonder why the Easter Bunny gave away chocolate eggs? Last I checked, bunnies don’t lay eggs. What kind of sick new species is this?
I found out last night that the only thing worse than waking up 3 times to pee is sleeping right through it.
The hardest part about a Zombie Apocalypse is pretending I’m not excited.
Thanksgiving advice: Sit at the kids table for as many years as possible.
Why is it never opportunity that`s knocking? Instead, it`s usually cops with a warrant...
Why do people say ``I saw it with my own eyes." Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!
My 6 year old found the duct tape and now nothing in my house moves.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how likely is it that your dumbass will say 11?
When you are a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since I last saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
"LSD causes users to lose weight" Obviously. You can`t eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge.
I`m sorry I said your head looks too small to power your body.
I don`t blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I`d be irresponsible too.