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I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
Corduroy boxing gloves deliver the best punchlines.
If a bra is called an `over the shoulder bolder holder`, then what would you call men underwear? Under the butt nut hut
My 14 year old sent a text asking me to pick her up from school and added "not in your pajamas". So I`m wearing hers because good moms listen.
they say "money cant buy happiness" but money pays for my internet connection and my vodka so im thinking maybe "they" are wrong
On a math test: 2+2 = ? Me: *Use calculator just in case
"Please don`t do this." - my voice mail greeting
that strange moment when you get in the van and theres no candy...-Drew Balthaser
Dear Toilet Paper Makers, We`ve all unexpectedly run out at some point. Please make the tube in the center softer. Thank you...
Don`t apologize because you haven`t posted in a while. No one cared.
Trying to get in shape for all those people I`m not having sex with.
I`m not worried about the zombie apocalypse that is coming. I`m worried about the fcuktard apocalypse that is here right now.
I think my TV remote has developed some sort of Romulan cloaking technology.
I`m not getting married till Pizza Hut allows gift registry.
Have you ever loved someone so much, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping