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Truthfully officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over, if I known all you were gonna do is complain about my driving.
Door bells should be made illegal in commercials. Pet owners know what Iām talking about.
Nothing like responsibility to ruin a perfectly good day.
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
I`m on a pepperoni pizza cleanse.
If you want to get me to do something, bribery does work.
Are you always this stupid? or are you just making special effort today...
He said the spark between us was gone..so I tasered him..... Ill ask him again when he wakes up
You don`t know laziness until you rob a bank & choose to wait for the amount you stole to be announced on news rather than count it yourself
A vegan friend on FB said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn`t eat meat... I think if he had to build his own computer he couldn`t whine on FB.
Instead of having a child, I intend to spend my life acting like one.
God knew that there would be times that a single middle finger wouldn`t be enough.
A model citizen is just like a regular citizen that doesn`t eat.
I have a "honk if you think I`m sexy" bumper sticker on my truck so that way on the way to work, if I`m not feeling to excited to be there, I sit at a green light until I feel better.