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Maybe I`m the good kind of fat like an avocado.
If running on a treadmill was the only way to recharge our phones we would be the healthiest mofos on the planet.
"Trust me, you can dance." -Vodka
When a woman asks you to guess her age, it`s like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb.
Nobody on television curses more than the Roadrunner.
Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
One way to know if someone is lying to you is if their facial mole is in a different place every time you see them
I know exactly how a bomb technician feels when I try to open a cup of cherry mixed fruit without the juice spraying out.
I think we`ll be friends forever because we`re too lazy to find new friends.
I`m tired of doing math. I guess I`ll get my lazy as up and fix my clocks today
Don`t trust anyone that orders a Medium Pizza....
Hope you get down and funky on this the day of your birth!!
Happy 15th birthday google, 3 more years and you will be able to search for adult sites legally
Relationships are not a test... So why cheat?
the only way I know something is bad for me is if I like it