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My bank account is more like a countdown to homelessness.
I`m thinking about investing some serious cash in gold....or maybe some other color.
Ya Know, if I was Jessie`s Girl. I would of dumped Jessie for Rick Springfield!!
When girls wear yoga pants I feel like a ghost from Mario. Uncontrollably attracted when they turn away, but frozen when they look at me.
A show called the view shouldn`t hurt your eyes
Wow, I haven`t seen you since the last time I wish I hadn`t seen you
I don`t take steroids because I never want to look like I`m capable of helping my friends move.
Ahhh..Sunday..the biggest decision of the day...to bathe or not to bathe.
Awkward moment when you just wanted a sugar daddy but becomes the First Lady of America!
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
Pretty sure airport food was priced by children just learning about numbers. "Ok Brian, how much should this apple cost?" SIXTY TWO DOLLARS!!
I`m always right. And when I`m not, I edit Wikipedia.
I am really getting tired of every time I go out people use me for my body. You know, to shade them from the sun and all.
I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership.
Boobs make me forget about all the bad things in the world.