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The symptoms of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea and stomach pains. Kind of like when I see my wife going thru my phone.
In post apocalyptic movies everyone wears leather ... but there are no cows.
i hate not being able to correct the typo i just made in my previous statues update......DAMN IT! I JUST DID IT AGAIN!
A drunk man walks into a bar...but enough about me...
People are always weirded out when I take notes during episodes of Dexter.
If life gives you lemons make grape juice than lay back and watch people wondering how you did it;)
The iPhone 6 looks pretty cool, but it still lets people leave voicemails, so they apparently haven`t worked out all the bugs yet.
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
I have no time for stupid people But they sure seem to have time for me.
I hate when people try to make small talk on the elevator. "How`s it going?", "How about the weather?", "Where are your pants?".
I wish I could afford to have a drinking problem.
Congratulations India on successfully orbiting a probe around Mars. I assume you`ll be opening call centers on the red planet and using fake Martian names now?
This girl is ignoring me like a check engine light.
Part of me wants to help you with your crisis, but part of me wants to go to happy hour.
What do you mean being awesome for another year isn`t a resolution?