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Dear guys: Women don`t want pictures of your d!ck. Maybe try sending a screenshot of your bank statement and see where things go.
I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
Why do restaurants always say "Shirt and Shoes Required" but never say anything about pants?
I`m so old, I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign And before that ... we used to play Tic-Tac-Toe on that sh!t.
I have a land line just so that I still have the option to slam the phone down when I angrily hang up on someone.
The only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you
During the first two weeks of January, people often resolve to lose weight, which is great for me because the line at Golden Corral is much shorter.
I think "Don`t Kid Yourself" would be a great brand name for birth control pills....
I`m probably not going to get accepted into the optimist club.
Should hallways in mental institutes be called psycho-paths?
I find the best way to get rid of headaches is to send them either to their rooms or outside to play.
If you try to fail but you succeed which have you done?
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off your life.... Based on the math, I should have died in 1732.
Several decisions I make on a daily basis hinge upon the question "illegal or just frowned upon?"
Chips have little nutritional value. That’s why you need to eat the whole bag.