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Some relationships are like fat people, they don`t Workout!!
You know what tastes better than one taco? Two tacos!
I`m a beer enthusiast. The more beer I drink, the more enthusiastic I become.
I bought my Ex a chair ... But the state won`t let me plug it in.
It doesn`t take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad.
I was cleaning one of my finger guns and accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.
Why don`t the post office get the Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail on Saturday? Work smarter not harder people.
Porn is the one industry where segregating races, genders, sexual preference, is completely acceptable
If you want funny, get off Facebook and watch the news...
I just saw a 3D printer at the UPS store. It`s kind of cool, but I won`t be impressed until it can print snacks...
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.
Finally got this fire hydrant open, but there was like, the opposite of fire inside
I can think of other ways to eat fresh, but I`ll settle for this subway sandwich.
I don’t think my inner child is ever moving out.
I`m getting really irritated. This is the tenth ATM I`ve been to in the last week that`s had "insufficient funds".