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I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?
I cant remember the last time i forgot something
3 horrible facts: 1. Today is not Friday... 2. Tomorrow is not Friday... 3. The day after tomorrow is not Friday...
I noticed the toilet roll incorrectly installed in your selfie.
I really love it when a hot girl winks at me with both eyes.
The secret to dancing is to pretend you have a wedgie and you`re trying to get it unstuck without using your hands.
Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or sexier than you. That would be me.
Just saw the little boy next door licking whip cream off the cat. Pretty sure he heard something he shouldn`t have.
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off
its not the up`s and down`s that bring you down...its the jerks!!
Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.
The self-driving car should have an "I`m Feeling Lucky" button that drives you to a random location.
I hate it when I open Facebook and miss a week of work.
Suggested serving size is only for skinny people right?
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.