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Half the journey is knowing where you’re parked.
facebook cuz am too old to have imaginery friends
When exactly are they going to make Xanax fit my Pez Dispenser?
I`m pretty sure whoever coined the phrase " rise and shine", doesn`t do it anymore.
I`m a Leader not a follower. Unless it`s a dark place...then you`re going first!
My New Year`s resolution was to lose 15 lbs by the middle of February. I have 20 lbs. to go.
What is the difference between a Snow-man & a Snow-lady? Snowballs!
If a woman asks if she looks fat, it’s not enough to say “no.” You must also act very surprised by the question. Jump backwards if necessary
Dating these days must be so hard, because how do you know somebody loves you if they don’t make you a mix tape?
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, “I’m not crazy!” and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
Maybe this comment wont be important for you guys here. Some of you will ignore it, most of yall wont bother to read and it`ll go unnoticed along with some others. maybe I`ll be criticized for this but I just want to let yall know I`m selling potatoes
If owls are so smart, how come they don`t say "Whom"?
Every day is St. Patrick`s Day when you`re a drunk who likes to pinch people.
I feel like people who don`t have at least one bottle of expired salad dressing in the fridge, really have their lives together.
Sometimes in life, all you really need is a lot of money.