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I don`t mind that my wife goes out to play bingo every night. It`s the coming back home part that bothers me.
I really hate it when someone else creates something that I haven`t had the chance to think of first...
Halloween is the perfect time to redistribute those undesired condiment packets of ketchup, mustard, BBQ & soy sauce.
Forecast for tonight: Dark.
I use awkward numerical range description anywhere between 13 and 4 times a day.
If my psychiatrist said "There`s really nothing more I can do for you", that means I`m cured right??
Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
hate it when someone says they are miserable when their profile picture says otherwise.
I was going to exercise this morning, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
I used to play sports. Then realized you can buy trophies. Now I´m good at everything.
There`s a time and a place for alcohol ... In my hand and now.
You know a guy likes you when his pants give you a thumbs up ;)
My goal in life: Build a time machine and travel forward into the future until I can stop and ask someone "Do you know what `buffering` is?" and they are clueless.
I just threw up my weekend.
I`m ok with women faking it in bed. I faked everything to get her there.