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Let`s talk about how fabulous u think I am.
I`m not much on seizing the day, I just kinda poke it with a stick.
Just drove past the house where I lost my virginity. There wasn`t even a plaque or anything. Pretty ridiculous if you ask me.
This idiot from Apple reckons that the "Temperature, iPhone needs to cool down" warning message has nothing to do with all my hot selfies
I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.
Don`t waste your time being difficult. Put forth a little more effort and be impossible.
I`m putting more thought into my Halloween costume than into my job.
There`s no way to look cool when the doctor walks into your exam room just as you`re blowing up a rubber glove.
I just bought an answering machine! What should I ask it?
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others. The rest of us have to be the others.
Mornings are the best when they start in the afternoon.
If they were really trying to prepare high school kids for “real life” they would offer a class called “working with a$$holes”
Your trophy wife is more of a participation trophy wife, isn`t she?
A 15 year old took gold in the Olympics and then there is me whose greatest accomplishment is getting up to 10 on flappy bird.
Good friends do not let you do stupid things….. alone :)