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My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
We are the only ones who can control our own happiness, but sometimes it feels like someone else is holding the remote.
Isn`t it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don`t know what ironic means.
I’ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn`t much, but the reception was excellent.
If Facebook changed "poke" to "stab" I would use it all the time.
Debate?.....isn`t that what you use to catch "The Fish" ?
It only takes 3.5 inches to please a woman, it doesn`t matter if its Visa or Mastercard.
I wish more events in life involved dumping a cooler full of Gatorade on people.
It`s really crazy that you don`t hear a round of applause every time you order a salad.
I keep having this dream that I`m being carried off by a giant squirrel. Does that make me nuts?
I will never admit to my parents that I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa as long as I still get presents and candy.
Want someone to stop texting you? Sleep with them.
I was driving thru Farmville and I had to pee ... so I pulled over and fertilized your crops
My friend said the only vegetable that could make him cry was an onion. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.