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My internet goes out more than I do.
Marriage. Because your sh!tty day doesn`t have to end at work.
If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
There are a few people I`d like to go to bed with but I can`t think of a single person I`d like to wake up with.
If something on this page offends you, please bring it to our attention so we can all laugh at you.
Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends.
No matter which path you choose, there will always be some asshole in front of you trying to make a left.
? Single ? Taken ? Depends on who`s asking.
The worst part about being single is always doing what I want. Anytime. Anywhere. With whomever. That sucks.
It’s too bad that it’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
I wish there was a way to find out how many boners you’ve caused in a lifetime, I wanna check my stats.
Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.
I put the PRO in inappropriate!
If zombies ever attack just go to Costco...they have concrete walls...years of foods and supplies...and best of all the zombies can`t get in without a Costco membership card.
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.