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It’s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
PRINCIPAL: are you the new english teacher? TEACHER: yes i are.
You’re going to make some cats very happy one day.
I like candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach and hardcore pornography.
I love how in movies when someone types a really embarrassing secret they always accidentally send it to the whole school, and they also coincidentally have the phone number of everyone.
Weird is just a side effect of being awesome.
I can`t remember if I have any repressed memories.
I work out by ordering a small drink at Burger King, then get up 100 times to refill it.
1, 2 Freddie´s coming for u 3, 4 better lock the door 5, 6 grab your crucifix 7, 8 gotta say up late 9, 10 never sleep again
Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money`s worth...Just saying.
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they`re born AND after they`re dead.
A day without sunshine is like, you know... night
I never want to go to sleep less than I do at bed time.
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them and why aren`t we helping to find them?
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better status than yours!