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Sometimes I feel bad about the things I say and do, but today is not one of those days.
People who think I’m not a religious person should see me when the airplane starts to shake.
I get very nervous out when my Subway sandwich moves up the crowded assembly line without me.
I am one of those people who presses every button in the elevator when I`m getting out =]
H&R Block said I won`t get nearly as much back in taxes this year because apparently the neighbors want to claim their own children.
My 12 step program means parking closer to the bar.
Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Nights get longer. Life gets better.
If a man says you’re ugly he’s being mean. If a woman says you’re ugly she’s envious. If a little kid says you’re ugly, you’re ugly.
Beauty is only a light switch away...
So many Jehovah`s Witnesses and yet still not a shred of Jehovah`s Evidence.
Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but this is just gardening facts.
Did you know , that if you use asterisk , you can do anything you want ? * gets on a t-rex and gallops away into the sunset *
Just saw two homeless guys hitting each other with a piece of cardboard................PILLOW FIGHT!!!!!!
There are only 53 days until Christmas... just a heads-up in case you haven`t shopped for me yet.