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BREAKING NEWS: New $100 bills start circulating yesterday. I wish this affected my life in any way.
There is really no way of knowing how many chameleons are in the room right now.
If the NSA and IRS teamed up, I wouldn’t have to do my taxes.
I just want someone to touch me the way a woman touches a pair of shoes she cannot afford.
The last time I got drunk I married Satan..I`m not doing either one again
i don`t know what to say on your comment so i just hit "like" so you won`t be upset that ignored you.
October is breast awareness month for women, men are usually aware of breasts all year round.
Nothing like a brisk morning jog to start the day! Just kidding! I don`t do that.
I bet if you walked up to any table at a restaurant and said "Good afternoon folks" they will let you take their order.
I just ate 3 whole chickens ... they were hard boiled.
I don`t call it lying down, I call it landscape mode.
I like to walk up to strangers and ask, "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away.
Greeting all the Single People a very Happy Independence Day!!
The Super Bowl is over, everyone. Time to briefly learn the names of some Winter Olympians.
My new diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can`t stuff your face when you`re sleeping.