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I`m sorry did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
They say the camera adds 10lbs. Stop eating cameras!
A psychiatrist is just a friend you pay to listen to your problems because your other friends are tired of hearing about them.
This day is only a margarita away from being a good one.
Statistics say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. Does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
Be wary of someone who calls all their exes crazy. They`re probably the reason.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
If Olympic drinking was an event I would probably take gold in the floor routine.
I bought a pair of Meatloaf underwear today. On the front they say `I would do anything for love`. On the back, `But I wont do that!`
Life is different in Christian frats: “You should’ve seen this hot chick I didn’t bang.” “Way to save it for marriage, bro.” *fist bump*
I`m not sure how to say this but ... Worcestershire sauce
What is an Amish girls favourite fantasy? Two Mennonite
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
Did you guys know that turning up the radio fixes almost all your car problems?! Crazy.
I got Mood Poisoning. Must have been something I hate.