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Alcohol: Because no great story ever started with someone eating salad.
I just passed the local college and saw 3 very fit young ladies with very tight yoga pants walking to class...I have never been so motivated to return to college.
I tend to say “I don’t know” when I’m too lazy to think.
I prefer to use the bathroom naked w/ the door wide open. Sorry if this interferes with your idea of a "safe & fun work environment"
How can we call ourselves "evolved" when signs are needed to remind people to wash their hands after they go to the bathroom
If a bra is called an `over the shoulder bolder holder`, then what would you call men underwear? Under the butt nut hut
Offering someone food and secretly hoping they say no.
Ninja Mode is not a plausible excuse for not being seen at work.
I`m already getting into the Thanksgiving spirit, I`ve given the bird to lots of people today.
I left a note in the break room at work saying I had found five bucks. I hadn`t found any money, but it was worth five dollars to learn which of my co-workers is a lying douchebag.
Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn`t made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.
My neighbor`s facebook movie is just a montage of me caught on surveillance video, stealing his newspaper every morning.
Don’t ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself
Love means never having to say you’re sorry until you`ve thought up a good excuse.
Hey ladies, tired of your man complaining about how long it takes you to get ready? Start blow drying your hair in the nude. I promise no more complaints.