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My fella asked me to name all my sexual partners. I took a couple of minutes to list them and eventually got to him. Should of stopped there
I don`t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
I never forget a breast, I mean face. I never forget a face.
I just caught my husband smiling in his sleep. He`s going to pay for that later.
“Delete, Block, Ignore” Its too bad getting rid of people in life is not as easy as it is on Facebook..
Next time one of your friends leave their Facebook open, randomly pick one of their friends and like all 973 of their photos.
I am a Mother hear me roar.....especially when my kids decide to make a kite out of my granny panties and fly it down the street.
Last person to like this wins a prize.
*during sex,I suddenly stop moving* Her: What are you doing? Me: SHHHHH It`s ok...I saw this on Pornhub, It`s called Buffering!
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain 3.) prisoner of war 4.) homeless person 5.) wizard
Neighbors at it again. I do NOT want to know the words to "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus!
I ate the whole box of Slim Fast bars. So excited about how skinny I`ll be when I wake up tomorrow.
I`m posing nude for an art class. No one asked me to. I think they`re making ceramic bowls.
change your birthday on facebook to today, see how many people say happy birthday for APRIL FOOLS!!!! lol
I spent the first 20 minutes of 2014 looking for the remote.