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I put the o in illiterate!
if I was a bird, I know who I´d poop on first.
If I say “it’s a great day to be alive,” it’s because those are literally my only plans.
I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all ...
Give fat people a break. They have a lot on their plate.
Chicken pot pie sounds like a great idea if you add commas.
I bet every guy would be faithful if God took an inch off his d!ck every time he cheated...
Ahh..Monday, so we meet again ... You dirty bitch!!
Life gave me onions ... Onionade sucks.
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn’t hear you the first 100 times.
We all just sat there and watched as Pepe Le Pew tried to rape that cat. Shame on us.
You can’t run from your problems forever. Eventually, you’ll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
Did you know that if we laid all the facebook account owners end to end around the world. Three quarters of them would Drown? Hmm ....