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More food should come with prizes inside it.
I always stop to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porno starts off!
Either I need to up my dosage or my income.
I used to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I wake up feeling like a bounced check.
You have got to have worse hand-eye coordination than a lama on crack
I just sprayed Citrus Fabreeze in my bathroom... Now it smells like Sh*trus
I`m the guy at the gym laying face down on the treadmill telling everyone "I`m ok, I`m ok"
Some people are like rain clouds. Once they f*ck off, it`s a beautiful day.
Junk- something you keep for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
Me on New Years Eve: “I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.”
Words and phrases I hope do not appear in my obituary: "Skeletal remains", "Dumpster", "Beyond recognition", "Decapitated", "Dental records", "Shallow grave", "Strewn", and "Suicide by Cop."
Keep scrolling , I got nothing.
Sometimes I just bang my head on the keyboard and hope words form.
Sorry I poked you all over your body, but I was just looking for the off button.
I`ll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.