Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
I am looking at this online special deal at Disneyworld and thinking no, my kids can annoy me just fine right here at home.
This is a private status. Please don`t tell anyone about it.
You know you are paranoid when you think this joke is about you.
North West? Im confused i thought Kim Kardashian gave birth to a child not a compass
The grass was greener on the other side, so we smoked it.
This is why my kids dont take me places anymore ... Waitress: “Do u have any questions about the menu?” Me: ” Yes, What kind of font is this?”
Felt like being Bad today, like an Outlaw Bad, felt like doing something illegal, so I ran through the house ripping off all the Mattress Tags..... Come and get me Coppers, but you won`t take me alive.......................
People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties.
If only my goals were to be poor, lazy and out of shape.
Within 2 minutes, I can gather enough things to allow me to sit and watch tv without getting up for at least 4 hours... Don`t question my laziness
My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She`s now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don`t negotiate with terrorists!!
If you are the one who stole my computer yesterday, please disregard the folder labeled, "Nature photographs." Thanks.
I just ate some generic Frosted Flakes.... They"rrrrreeee alright.
I can`t wait to miss the upcoming season of American Idol.