Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Actually, The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is ... Just open the door and push her out.
Whoever said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery hasn`t had a 7yo mimicking their every word for the last 10 minutes.
If others are jealous, you’re doing something right.
The 21st century. When deleting history is more important than making it.
The term "bath toys" has a whole new meaning when you`re an adult
You can`t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them & hope they panic & give in.
I ran into my ex the other day. I could have sworn the light was green.
My car rides usually consist of playing my music on random, then pressing “next” about 400 times.
My mother said, "You won`t amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
If you go to dinner alone always ask for a table for two. Look sad as you eat and you will almost always get a free dessert
My new credit card has this awesome theft protection where it just says "declined" whenever you use it.
I gave my wife my email address but she keeps on speaking directly to me.
If House of Cards has taught me anything it’s that I need a friend who owns a rib place.
Never resist a mad impulse to do something nice for me.