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Remember when we thought it would be fun to grow up and have jobs? LOL
Warning!! Today I will be coloring OUTSIDE the lines..
“Too much milk left need more cereal” always leads to “too much cereal need more milk”
11th Commandment: Thou shall not gossip about other people’s lives when you are not doing any better yourself.
A fun thing to yell at a magic show is "BURN HIM, HE`S A WITCH"
If you have a mirror handy, kindly gaze into it and you will find your problem
You know you`re old when you come close to shaving your nipple off while trying to shave your legs!
My swear jar has more money in it than my bank account.
How can I be expected to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count?
My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks
Did you know you can buy live lobsters? Anyway, can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters.
I ordered a new GPS unit, but it got lost in the mail.
I would of read and liked your status if it wasn`t like 3 pages long.
This morning I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering. 98 of them said, "How did you get in here?"
I hate when someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now when I don`t even remember where the hell I was 2 days ago.