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This generation is guilty of making the wrong people rich and famous.
Just told my dog "Don`t walk in your own poop" and it strikes me as good advice to pass on to the rest of you as well. Please: don`t.
I used to make fun of my dog for barking at dogs on TV until I caught myself in the car pulling over for a siren on the radio.
The best thing about owning a Smart Car is if you get too drunk at the bar you can just carry it home.
Not doing anything with my life is surprisingly time consuming.
Based on commercials, every single car has won car of the year.
It really pisses me off when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn’t follow the damn script.
Telling me to calm down is the easiest way to get me to tell you to go f*ck yourself.
I finally finished my 4,000 piece jigsaw puzzle. It reads- " Get a life you sad F**k "
Please help control the pet population, have that special talk with your pet!
Just tore the tag off my mattress and there’s nothing the feds can do about it. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
Just ran across a great dessert recipe...Cut up some bananas, apples & oranges in a bowl. Add fresh squeezed lime juice. Then toss it in the trash and eat a cheesecake.
If your wife says "what would you do without me?" "Live happily ever after" is NOT the correct answer.
I love food, napping on the couch, and getting super excited about car rides, I`m basically a golden retriever.
I don`t know karate, but I do know crazy, and I`m not afraid to use it.