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You can tell a guy has a woman in his life when he remembers to do stuff like put on deodorant and wipe his butt most of the time!
It`s annoying how when you go to the orchestra, there`s always that one wasted dude up front swaying and waving his arms around the whole time
Oh, I thought you were talking about napping. In that case no, I`m not good in bed.
can be sympathetic, empathetic, compassionate, welcoming, loyal, trust-worthy, forgiving, understanding, and giving. But not to today!
Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags in their house, or is it just me?
The only human interaction I want for the rest of the day is the exchange of money between me and the liquor store cashier
I`ve grown up a lot recently. For example, I used to drink beer all day and now I drink wine.
I guess not everyone at this grocery store is as comfortable with my nudity as I am. ;)
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other
I met a lady named Polly once. She didn`t care for crackers, nor my sense of humor.
Yoga is a great way to meet and embarrass yourself in front of women
Cubs fans, you need to wait 107 more years. But don`t worry, 2124 will be here before you know it!
If nobody hates you, you are doing something boring.
You can`t make everyone happy, so just concentrate on me.
Being a parent means often saying your child is shy rather than "he sees how creepy u are, that`s why he doesn`t want to shake your hand".