Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Women are so jealous. I bet Eve counted Adam`s ribs everyday to see if another woman had been created.
condoms prevent minivans
My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT?
But in my most troublesome times, I looked down and saw only one set of footprints. I asked the Lord why, and He replied that sand people ride single file to hide their numbers.
They say you`re not supposed to go to the grocery store when you`re hungry. It`s been several days now, what should I do?
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching `Night at the Roxbury.` "Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?"
In the United States a man gets kicked in the groin every 6.2 seconds. I would hate to be that man.
I don`t like the term "stalker". I prefer "unpaid private investigator".
I leave notes on people’s windshields telling them I smashed their car and did an amazing job fixing it.
My mom always said that I`d never find a man dumb enough to marry me. Well, I showed her...
Since you no longer have a calendar I`d like to notify all the Mayans that it has been one year since the end of the world.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others. The rest of us have to be the others.
Hitting the lotto is a sure way to stop hating on Mondays...
if drinking destroys your memory .... what does drinking do ?
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I`m not sure what it means.