Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
“It would take too long to explain…” Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”
I used to dream about becoming an astronaut. Now I just dream that there`s still time before the alarm goes off.
Facebook is the best place to say whatever you want. If it doesn’t go over well you can just say you were hacked.
Just about the time I started to give a crap, my attitude became constipated......
How will you survive a zombie apocalypse if you scream & run when you see a spider?
I Don’t answer text messages right when I get them so I don’t seem desperate. Then, I forget about them and never respond.
Shout out to the guy behind me flashing red & blue lights.
I don’t know how Godzilla doesn’t hurt himself. I once had to go to the emergency room after stepping on a Lego piece.
It`s always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I`m always like, "I love you," and they`re like, "Thank you for choosing Pizza Hut."
If Violets were Orange, poetry would be a lot more challenging.
I`m often a little confused when people call me insane because, to be honest, I`m still just warming up.
If you could have one super power would you pick flying, invisibility, or falling asleep without questioning every decision you`ve ever made
The fact that Google autocompletes all of my questions just reaffirms how unoriginal all my problems are.
Hey Monday+?+(???) +?+
I would be a terrible stalker because A) I`m not motivated enough B) You would always hear the rattle of peanut m&ms behind you.