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How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face
I like surprises. Not the `finger in my a$$ without permission` kind, but flowers are always nice.
The only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you
I can already tell it`s going to be another one of those mornings where I`m not rich and famous.
Someday you may lose your hair, you may lose your teeth, your money and even lose your mind. But one thing you will never lose – your good looks, coz you can never lose what you don’t have!
Sometimes I find myself envious of how well Waldo can hide..
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
I’ve been searching for my stolen bed. And I won’t rest until I find it.
Getting back with your ex is pretty much the same as taking a shower, getting out, and putting back on the same old dirty underwear.
There are 2 kinds of people: 1) Happy morning people 2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people
I keep having this dream that I`m being carried off by a giant squirrel. Does that make me nuts?
no..i am not drunk, floors needs hugs too ! :p
I`ve decided to take some time off Facebook so I can focus on work and, ok, I`m back
Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry.
“Make it rain” is the only appropriate response when asked if you want freshly grated parmesan.