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Apparently I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
I want to cover you in expensive things…like gasoline.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I`ve ever made.
Holiday Shopping Tip #112:Next time you see someone with their arms full of bags looking around a parking lot while pointing and clicking their horn button, help them out and start pushing your horn button too!
I hate that feeling when you feel you wrote something good on facebook and then nobody likes your status. Depressing... :(
Your shadow: What happens when light travels 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet by you.
The judge says I`m a repeat offender, but he always says that.
As i get older i realize I do a LOT more YOGA...attempting to tie my shoelaces
If you enter a room and there`s no food, you`re in the wrong room.
Boobs are like model trains. They were originally for children but grown men always want to play with them.
I never run with scissors…those last two words were unnecessary.
I`ll be back in five minutes. If I`m not, read this again :D
I`ve often wondered: Who the heck is Pete, and why do we do things for his sake?
My favorite machine at the gym is the one you put change in and snacks come out
Hello, fire department? Is this Mr. February? Yeah, I`m stuck in a tree. Uh, I mean... meooow.