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Flat screens are nice and all, but they`ll never compare to the television/record player/ liquor cabinet combo extravaganza we had as kids.
off to bed...evil schemes don`t dream themselves up.
If airports are so safe, why are the buildings called Terminal
Does Starbucks have an express lane if your order is 10 words or less?
Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
Cheer Up. Right now, somebody, somewhere, is thinking about you naked.
I don`t call it lying down, I call it landscape mode.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
Me, on phone to credit card company: What if you just break my kneecaps and we call it even?
Do Me: a favor. - Punctuation is important.
I`m not getting married till Pizza Hut allows gift registry.
"You blew a tranny" means something completely different to an auto mechanic.
Hell is having a married couple tell you a story at the same time.
I just did a weeks worth of cardio after I walked into a spider`s web.
I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.